Beauty Is Only Skin Deep; Ugly is to the Core

Today has been a very strange day. I felt okay when I woke up this morning. I slept all night without waking up for pain meds, but when I did wake up, oh boy did I need one! My mobility is getting better by the day. Considering I'm only 7 days post-surgery, I think I'm making steady progress. I am walking around independently, even though I still can't stand up straight. I'm starting to get frustrated because my energy level is still rock bottom. I went into the kitchen today for about 15 minutes to try to show Shane how to get the traditional black-eyed peas going for our New Years dinner. After that 15 minutes, I was so exhausted and hurting so badly that I was in tears. I literally had to take a nap to recover from that. The swelling is still pretty bad too. It's not only my stomach and sides that's swollen; my arms, legs, toes, pretty much everything, is swollen.
My drainage has decreased dramatically. I've only pulled off about 10cc from each side today, so I'm pretty positive the doctor will remove the tubes at my appointment tomorrow. I'm ready for the next couple of weeks to pass so that I can finally see the results of the tuck. Everything is so swollen right now that it's hard to see any results. My doctor assures me, though, that when I do see the results I will be completely blown away!

I've debated for a while now about whether or not to write this second part of this particular blog entry. I decided, though, that this is MY blog and MY experience, and I am going to include everything about it.

If you are friends with me on Facebook, you probably saw the picture of me walking independently yesterday. Shane took that picture, because it was a big milestone for me. I was proud of it, and even though I looked pretty rough and was swollen like crazy, I decided to post it. I had lots of encouraging words and comments from friends. One friend even told me how hot my boobs were looking in the pic ;) However, later in the night, some people were sitting around talking about me and making jokes. They felt it would be funny to post a mean comment. So, I woke up this morning to, 'Well, you're still fat.'. The reasoning for that post was that they were drinking and just saying random mean things to people on Facebook. (This was his personal explanation to me.) However, what this person did not know is that I have struggled with my weight my whole life. I was "chunky" in middle school and still to this day remember the  names of the boys who picked on me. By the time I got to high school, I was sick of it. I basically starved myself and lost enough weight to wear a size 8. I was content with that and stayed at an 8 until I had my kids. After than, I gained all of the weight back and then some. (You can read my first blog entry about all of that for a recap.) Today, that rude persons words cut me to my core. The past few days I have been daydreaming about this summer when I will finally be able to wear a bikini again, and looking online at new outfits for work. All of that came crashing down with that one little sentence. For a brief moment, I let that person steal my happiness. I felt like all of the hard work over the past 2 years, all of the pain I've endured the past week, and all of the money my husband has spent was completely worthless. He made me feel ugly. But then, my friends came to the rescue, and reminded me of how hard I've worked, how beautiful I am, and how I am not the ugly one. *HE* is ugly. He is ugly on the inside for making me feel that way.

Because of the way I have been treated by various people over the years and let their words scar my soul, I made a resolution for this new year. My resolution is to never use my words to hurt people. That my words may always be purposeful, meaningful, and kind. That I may always be an encouragement, a friend, and a good advice giver. And to a certain special someone, may I always have smartass comebacks to make them smile when needed. ;) Lastly, I resolve to never let my words to cause anyone pain, because my heart is better and kinder than that.